Where Three Years Go

It’s hard to believe we’ve been married three years.  It seems like just yesterday that we were saying our vows in sight of Mt. Elden on a sunny, May day.  And yet, here we are…three years later.

My husband commented recently that it seemed like we were newlyweds forever, and then suddenly we were old married people with a baby.  It certainly seems like that some days!  Here’s a recap of our three years together:

We were married May 22, 2010.  After a wonderful, dream honeymoon in Maine and Prince Edward Island, and an epic trip cross-country with my car literally loaded to the brim, we began our new life together in the hills of Northern Arkansas.

 

The first three months were wonderful.  I wasn’t working.  We were renting a tiny little house nestled in the trees.  Andy got off work by 3 pm.  Adventures abounded.

The first few months of married life are funny.  They are wonderful and glorious (especially after 13 long months in a long distance engagement).  Yet, they are full of surprises.  We learned the craziest things about each other.

Like, neither of us really likes baked potatoes, despite eating them often in our growing up years.  Somehow we didn’t realize this fact (that shows we’re a match made in heaven), until after we were married.  Don’t ask me how.  You can guess who’s kid will be the freak who doesn’t know what a baked potato is. :P

Then there were the simple, little surprises.  Like having different ways of doing everything, from which side of the sink the dirty dishes go on, to what goes in a salad, to how laundry should be done.

It’s also quite shocking when your husband tells you he doesn’t like certain items of your clothing because they look like a granny.  Dear homeschooled girls, don’t be fooled.  Nice homeschooled guys don’t want you to cover up every square inch of your body.  Trust me!

Anyway, those first few months passed.  We got a puppy (after a miscommunication about a patio set), my man pulled me out under the gutters in the pouring rain one time when I was being a grouch, and life was new and wonderful.  In August we trekked back across the country to a furniture show in Las Vegas.  Not exactly my cup of tea, but fun nevertheless.   

At the end of August we entered a new phase when I began student teaching.  I went from being home all the time to gone all of the time.  It was an adjustment, but I loved the challenge and I loved the experience. 

The plan after I graduated in December was to substitute teach until I got a teaching job, meanwhile saving up money for a house.  A baby would come a few years later.

Instead, the day after I finished student teaching I began working at my husband’s company.  I did accounting, administrative assistant things, customer service, shipping…you name it and I did it.  Thus began the next year and a half of me working a mix of part-time and full-time at the Ironworks, substitute teaching whenever I could, and working online doing freelance writing.  It was a growing time and a changing time.  I learned so much and don’t regret a moment!

That spring we began looking into buying a house.  At first we looked for land, with the intention of building.  That didn’t seem too feasible at the moment, so we began looking at houses instead.  Every day during student teaching I passed this rock house nestled under a giant oak tree.  We weren’t looking for houses at the time, but I had always been curious.  Well, guess who ended up buying that rock house in June?  Yep, us!  Thus, we moved out of our sweet little rent house with the drafty door and the mouse problem, and into our much bigger fixer-upper, with an even bigger mouse problem. 

In the midst of all the craziness surrounding buying this house we celebrated our first anniversary with a wonderful cruise to Key West and Cozumel.  Talk about fun!  In Cozumel we went on a speed boat excursion.  I had to sign a waver saying I wasn’t pregnant.  It made me think about how thankful I was for our year with just the two of us.  Yet, I had to admit that the longing for a baby was there.  But I waited and prayed and enjoyed speedboats in Cozumel.  Just the two of us.

But back to the rock house.  Our fixer upper became our obsession.  We ripped things out, I learned a ton about home remodeling, and painting became my hobby.  We had fights about how we wanted to do things.  Mostly, though, we grew closer together working on our hodge-podge rock house. 

Then came August.  My man came to me and told me he felt like God wanted us to move our “trying to having a baby” timeline up.  Like, way up.  We prayed about it.  Peace flooded over us.  It just seemed right.  So we decided to start trying in three months time.  And, yes, our kitchen in our new home was still a shambles. 

We began prepping and saving and getting ready.  We finished the kitchen.  And what would be the baby’s room.  And then we started trying.  I was pretty much instantly pregnant. 

We had nine more months together of just the two of us.  And my ever-growing belly.  We drove out to North Carolina for the High Point Furniture Market (which had become a twice-a-year thing for us).  We celebrated our second anniversary in Branson.  We flew out to Arizona when I was 30 weeks pregnant for my sister’s high school graduation, as well as to see my other sister and her two precious little girls.  We spent a lot of time that summer riding in Andy’s jeep and swimming at the creek.  We savored every minute. 

 

  Picture by Kevin Thomas Photography

 

And then my due date came.  We ate dinner at Tommy’s Pizza with some friends (who were also expecting their first baby!), watched a movie with them, and then went to bed.  A few hours later I woke up Andy and told him it was time.  Six hours later our sweet Miles Patrick entered the world, healthy and beautiful and life-changing. 

 

And here we are, at our three year anniversary.  Our sweet Miles in nine months old.  We don't even remember how we spent our time before he came.  Our marriage experienced some testing when he first came, but it has come out so much stronger and richer and deeper. 

I am so thankful for these past three years, and all that they have brought.  Marriage is a wonderful, beautiful, crazy, hard, amazing adventure.  And I love every minute.        

I’ve Been the Judger, I’ve Been the Other Son

For as long as I can remember, I’ve read the story of the prodigal son and related most to the other brother.  You know, the good one who stayed at home and worked for his father.  The one that was upset and jealous when his prodigal brother returns home and his father rejoices and kills the fatted calf. 

I know a lot of people that were raised in the world, but I was raised in the church.  I can’t even remember a time when I didn’t know Christ as my Savior.  I always went to church, and I was a good kid.  I never got trouble in school.  As a teenager, I never once broke curfew (I didn’t even have one…my parents always knew where I was).  I didn’t experiment with drugs and alcohol.  I didn’t have sex until I got married.  I tried to live life as Christ wanted me to live. 

Yet, somewhere along the way I missed out on the whole essence of who Christ was.  Somewhere along the way, I missed out on the love.

It’s easy to see how it happened.  In general, churches today are so void of Christ’s love.  I was one of the many masses in them going about with a critical eye.  I had secret sins of my own, but I did my best to appear exactly as a Christian was “supposed” to. I judged others for their sins because, in my heart of hearts, judging them made me feel good and clean and right. 

Paul says that “Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angles, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging symbol.  And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.” (1 Corinthians 13:1-2, emphasis added)

I was so lacking in love.  I did what was “right”, but my days revolved around me.  My eyes were blind to the suffering, the hurt, and the needs of those I daily came in contact with.  I tithed and gave money to those less fortunate, while in actuality keeping my hands clean from the real work. 

And I have been the other brother in much harder ways.  I’ve watched those closest to me, those I love, turn away from Christ and from me. I was angry with them, condemned them, and turned my back on them.  I withheld my love, thinking that somehow that would save them…somehow that would make them see the foolishness of their choices and turn back.  I prayed that they would come back to Jesus, while I so poorly portrayed Him myself. 

Gandhi said, “I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians.  Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.” 

I was so unlike my Jesus.  He showed me love and mercy, and all I showed was judgment and downcast eyes.  I thought that, in doing so, I was walking in His path.  How wrong I was!  How many opportunities I have missed!  The very thought sickens me. 

He has been speaking to my heart so clearly.  He has been showing me how far astray the church, especially in America, has gone.  He has been revealing to me how far from his path I’ve gone.  He has been bringing me back. 

Christlikeness is not about being perfect, or even appearing so on the outside.  Far be it from me that I ever become such a white washed tomb again!  Christlikeness is about becoming like Him: good and right and truthful, but ever overflowing with love and mercy and grace.

Lord, transform me from the inside out.  May Your love overflow out of me.  May my life be not my own because it contains so little of selfish me…and is instead so full of You. 

Judgement and condemnation profit nothing.  They change no one.  But love…love can change the world.     

Snapshots from The Rock House: A Taste of Spring

The rest of this week is supposed to be cold and wet and altogether miserable.  Last Friday and Saturday, however, we got a taste of the elusive season called Spring.  It was absolute bliss.  Here's to hoping Spring will really stick around after this round of bad weather!

Like a breathe of fresh air...

Playing at the park...

Chickens on the loose downtown. :)

Sweet Sam

Mama's little man

Best buds

Plum tree just starting to bloom

Of Dreams

Dreams.  We all have them.

I use to have so many dreams.  Horses.  Love.  Marriage.  Children.  Travel.  Writing.  Security.  The list was never ending!

The past few years the idea of dreams has been almost constantly in my thoughts.  God's been sifting my heart and my life, and as a result I've been questioning what place, if any, dreams should hold in my life.

If I say that I want all of me to die and all of Him to live in me, does that mean that my dreams have to die too?  Is it even okay to dream?  What does it mean to dream God's dreams?  How do I know that my dreams are His too, and not just mine?

In the midst of all this, I've let many of my dreams slip away into the background.  I've busied myself with the things of the day, and in turn all but forgotten what those many dreams were.  And yet, I found that no matter what I did, there were burning passions and dreams deep in my heart-of-hearts that could not be stifled or quenched.  Like embers, they remained.  It was like they were waiting for the perfect time to once more burst into flame.  

You see, the thing about dreams is that they're not all bad.  Yes, sometimes they can be selfish.  Sometimes they may be good things, but just not what God has for us at this time...or ever.  But sometimes--just sometimes--they're things that God has placed in our heart and soul for a reason.  We may not understand how they fit into His plan ultimately, but make no mistake...they have a purpose.

Its okay to dream.  It really is!  Those things that stir our very core are there for a reason.  Yet, to fully experience them and see them blossom, we must first lay them at Christ's feet.  We must let them die in Him.  We must trust that, in His perfect timing, the small seed that dies and falls to the ground will sprout and grow into something beyond our wildest imaginings.

And so, I've been digging into the treasure chest of my heart, once more.  I've been rediscovering those many dreams I dreamed.  Some big, some small.  All buried away for a time.

Some of the dreams I dreamed have faded away.  I can hardly remember why I dreamed them in the first place.  Others I've seen bountifully fulfilled.  Still others I'm still waiting on.  The strangest are those dreams that have changed.  They hold glimpses of the old dream, but they have been transformed into something far different...something far better.

You see, that's what happens when we let God have our dreams.  He takes those burning coals, molds them and refines them, and makes them His.  He takes those passions He created in us and uses them for His plan and His glory.

Dream big, little passionate one.  Just don't forget to place them on His shoulders.  He can be trusted.

"For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope." ~Jeremiah 29:11   

Miles Love

I've talked a lot lately about how demanding being Miles' mama can be.  But, lest you think that it's all hard, I wanted to enlighten you into the neat parts of having a high-needs baby.  Here are some of the things I love about my beautiful baby boy:

1.) I love that he's so curious.  Since he was born his big, blue eyes have constantly been taking in the world.  It's really neat to see those wheels turning in his head.

2.) I love that I can take him just about anywhere with me.  I seriously have no fear of going grocery shopping now.  As long as I don't forget my trusty Boba carrier, we're good.  Miles just loves to be up snuggled next to mama, looking at people and things.  If he gets hungry, I nurse him.  Other than that, he doesn't get fussy or anything.  (The one exception is restaurants, because he's usually expected to either sit in his car seat or a high chair...and he hates that.)

3.) I love that he's such a people person.  He seriously is afraid of no one.  Sometimes he just wants mama or papa, but he will go to almost anyone.  He especially loves other kids.  He could watch the older, rowdier boys play for hours.

4.) I love that he sleeps best snuggled next to me.  I know this is one of those mixed blessing things.  We're currently trying to transition him to being full-time in his own bed, without much success.    But there's definitely something neat about picking your screaming baby up out of his crib, laying down with him, and watching him immediately fall fast asleep in your arms.  That's bliss, right there.

5.) I love that he loves the outdoors.  On Saturday, I put Miles in his stroller and rolled it down to my garden bed.  He literally sat there for 30 minutes "talking" to me and looking around, while I worked on moving some dirt.  He would never, ever do this inside the house.  This kid seriously loves being outside.  Being a bit of a nature junky myself, I love this about him.  Plus, it makes my garden plans for this summer seem doable, since I know he'll be happy to sit out there and watch/help me.

6.) I love how cute he is.  Okay, this is definitely the prejudiced mama coming out, but I love when people say how adorable Miles is, go on-and-on about his big eyes, etc.  It fills my heart with such pride.

7.) I love that he forces me to focus on the simpler, quieter things in life.  Being a stay-at-home mom really is about the simple things that some would call mundane.  Yet, my life has never been so full or so busy.  I don't sit on the couch eating bon-bons all day, but my long to-do list revolves around caring for my sweet Miles, taking care of our home, and making delicious, nutritious food for my guys.  Miles keeps me busy and on my toes.  Yet, I never doubt for one second that this is exactly where God has called me to be at this time.

I really do love my Miles.

Not In Control

I'm one of those people that likes to make lists and schedules.  I like to feel like I have it all together.  In all honesty, I want others to think that as well.  I want them to think I'm great at juggling being a wife and mom.  I want them to believe that my house is always clean, and that I always have a delicious meal ready at supper time.  

You want to know the truth, though?  I have never felt so disorganized in my whole life as in these seven months since Miles was born.  There have days when my house has looked like a complete pig-sty and my only "accomplishment" for the day was getting my makeup on.  I can't tell you how many nights Andy has come home from work to find dinner not even close to being ready, and me asking if we can just go out somewhere....again.  I've had to drop a lot of my outside commitments.  Hey, blogging, something that I truly love to do, has even fallen through the cracks.  The weird part, however, is that I've become surprisingly okay with all of that.

As I've written about before, Miles is no easy baby.  These days he's mostly happy during the day, and I can breathe a little bit easier.  But he's still not one to happily play in a bouncer seat or spend hours on his playmat.  Usually, me trying to tackle the pile of dishes in the sink consists of Miles sitting on the floor at my feet, with me giving him something new to play with every minute or so.  Even then, that might last 10 minutes and he's bored.  He is thoroughly unpredictable.  I'm not even going to tell you how many times he was up last night.

Miles has challenged almost every pre-conceived notion I had about motherhood, babies, and parenting.  I found that a lot of my time and research during pregnancy went out the window within days of his birth (okay, hours).  And yet, through it all, I've felt that Still, Small, Voice consistently telling me to "let go, and let God".  I have been learning to daily let go of my need for control, and instead surrend everything to the One Who is Able.  I've been laying down that image I have of what it means to be the "perfect" wife and mother, and instead letting Him mold me into the wife and mother He wants me to be.  Through it all, I have found the most amazing peace.  There is so much joy in not being in control...in not even thinking you need to be!

Recently, I heard another new mom described as "having it all together".  Her baby was sleeping well at night and was on a good schedule.  She seemed to be effortlessly keeping up with all the demands of life.

For a minute, I felt a twinge of jealousy.  I wanted to be the mom that everyone described as "having it all together".  I began plotting ways of "proving" how truly on top of things I was.  But then that Still, Small Voice tapped quietly on the door of my heart.  

"Remember," It said, "that's not who I'm calling you to be.  That's not the kind of mom Miles needs, or the kind of wife Andy wants.  That's not the woman I want you to be."

I realized that in not being that mom,  I was taking the path that God was calling me, specifically, to.

We all have areas of our life that He is refining us in.  For me, it has been a slow, steady chipping away at my need for control.  I could never have dreamed that God would use one sweet baby boy to change me so much.  Yet, I know that every refining moment, no matter how difficult, is all a part of His plan.  It's all a part of His process of shaping me into the woman of God He wants me to be.

Today my house is fairly tidy.  Dinner is cooking in the crock pot, and the floor doesn't look like a muddy bear invaded.  But there are still dirty dishes in the sink.  There's still laundry waiting to be folded, a checkbook that needs to be balanced, and a toilet that needs a good scrubbing.  I couldn't imagine having free time to work outside of the home, or get busy on a sewing project.  I certainly don't have everything together, and I'm far from in control of my daily life.  And that's okay.     

A Return to One Thousand Gifts

It's been a really long time.  Like almost a year.  But, I really want to get back into counting one thousand gifts!  So, I'm jumping back in. This week I'm thankful for:


301. Getting to spend my days with my sweet baby boy (who just so happens to be 7-months-old today!).  I'm seriously obsessed with him.
302. Watching the love my husband has for our son just grow and grow.
303. A man who spoils me rotten.  Like, way too much.
304. Internet at the house.  Finally! (One of the many ways my hubby spoils me.)
305. Each new sign that Spring is right around the corner.
306. Skype.  I love being able to chat with my family half a world away!
307. Earl Grey tea.  Ah, yes.
308. How many sunny days we've had this winter.  This Arizona girl is soaking it all up!
309. Having fires in the fireplaces to snuggle up by.
310. Each new day to spend with my two guys.