I was so determined to be ready when Baby Girl Baker made her grand entrance into this world, somewhere around her due date. Before she came, the house would be spotless, the freezer full, bags packed, and all arrangements made. According to that plan, I’d be cleaning my house right now, waiting for my parents to arrive, and looking forward to the baby shower this Sunday and more relatives visiting this coming week.
Yesterday morning preterm labor sent me to the hospital where I spent a restless night tossing and turning, hooked up to monitors and IVs. This morning the doctors let me go home with orders for strict bed rest. I’m 35 weeks, 4 days pregnant, and we’re trying to get Baby Girl to at least 37 weeks.
So, instead of doing what I think I should be doing, I’m lying in my bed with instructions to only get up to use the bathroom. I won’t even be able to make it to Baby Girl’s shower this Sunday. There’s so much to be done, but nothing that I can do, and little chance that I’ll be able to before she makes her arrival. Things like this, they can’t be planned for…or planned around.
Yet, I see God’s hand so clearly through all of this. I see that He’s using this to whittle me away…to make me stop trusting in myself and my “plans” and to start trusting in Him. I see that I need to stop thinking I can be Super Mommy all the time, with the perfect house and the perfect plan. Because I can’t. Expecting myself to be that way only sets me up to fail. I see that His timing and His plans are always far better than ours in the end, even when we don’t understand why now. I see that it’s going to be okay.
I just have to make it a week and a half. I’m sure that the dust will sit, we’ll be eating out of pizza boxes, and my poor husband will be too tired for words…but we’ll make it. And soon, one way or another, our precious baby girl will be in our arms and this will be all over it. And it’ll all be worth it.